


Let Go

by Faiz



Category: The Almighty Johnsons
Genre: Acceptance, M/M, Mike-Centric, Protectiveness, Self-Hatred, implied Colin/Anders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-27
Updated: 2013-12-27
Packaged: 2018-01-06 07:21:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1104030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faiz/pseuds/Faiz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone hated Mike Johnson. Hell, even Mike Johnson hated Mike Johnson. If this were a TV show he was sure that people would hate him for the things he's done. But he cared for his brothers too much, and maybe that was why he hated himself too much. But he tried, he tried so hard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Go

Mike Johnson was well aware that his brothers hated him. Well, maybe hate was a strong word. They resented him. But Mike Johnson was positive that he hated himself. He hated himself for all the mistakes that he made through the years, and more often than not before falling asleep he'd run through all the reasons of why he disliked himself in his mind until the need for sleep finally overtook him. His brothers were all moving on with their lives and Mike was still stubbornly stuck where he was before. They weren't gods anymore, they didn't have to worry about all that. Yet Mike was still stuck in the past, stuck in his memories of what he had done wrong. And he'd constantly think about what would happen if he hadn't done some of the things he had done. Would he still be married to Val? Would Rob have woken up? Would his brothers be alive? Would he be alive?

It had been a struggle from start to finish. Mike had been left in his own mind for far too long. There was problems enough before it well and truly started, with their mum and dad arguing constantly and mum sometimes forgetting to properly care for her sons. He could see the constant sadness and anger in her eyes. Mike didn't want to be like their dad. He vowed that if he ever became a father he wouldn't. He would never do that. Then it was only a matter of time that his mum dragged him out into the forest only to reveal he was a god before running off and becoming a tree, leaving Mike in the dust. He remembered being confused. He was so confused. His mum had just disappeared and now he had to go home to his probably hungry brothers to explain that their mum had disappeared without revealing the fact that he was a god.

Dear god...He was a god. He was Ullr, but suddenly he was also a replacement dad. He had to take care of his brothers and make sure that they were going to be properly fed enough and have them go to school...He fucked that right up as well. He tried very hard, but then Val and Rob would insist he go out with them all the time. He was the stupid child who decided to. He'd leave Anders in the dust to take care of their two youngest brothers at the age of 13. He should have been studying, not cooking and cleaning and making sure Axl wasn't getting into trouble. And only after Rob was put into a coma did he realize how much he had fucked up. He went back to his brothers and they did as much as they could to keep themselves going. They were all tired, and there was always that small pain of hunger in their stomachs. Mike looks back on those times and wonders if he could have done more. Could he have gotten another job? Maybe if he had actually used Ullr a bit more, and made sure he didn't lose control.

But that was all in the past. He couldn't do anything to change it. Nothing at all. He wondered what it would have been like had he not married Val. If they had just stayed friends and nothing more. Well, if he had done that then Anders would have probably never been kicked out of their home and forced to fend for himself at 21. Maybe he'd be less of a dickhead and maybe he would have drank less. He would have studied at his own pace instead of being thrust into the real world so soon. Now that Mike knew of Anders intentions (however warped they were) and how Val still loved Rob, he almost wanted to forgive Anders. What he did was still horrible, but in Anders' mind he was trying to do the right things. No, Mike was the monster, he knew it.

Maybe it was good that he kicked Anders out, that he had abandoned them. They learned to fend for themselves, and learned how to take care of themselves. Sure they still struggled on occasion but for some reason they always came back to Mike no matter how much he fucked up. Joe was right, maybe Mike was just obsessed with the idea of taking care of his brothers. That he was obsessed with the idea of being the 'leader' of the family. He felt so fucked up that even though he knew he made so many mistakes yet he wanted to stay the leader of the family even though they were all grown up. Maybe if he was able to have his own kids it wouldn't have been like that. He would have been happy taking care of his own family. But of course, he can't have kids. So he fell back on his brothers again.

He tried to protect them and control them so much for their own safety that he ended up nearly smothering them all in the process. His time for raising them was all said and done with. Every fuck up that he had done was in the past. He should just be content watching them live their lives while he lived his own. He knows that Dawn and Ty were made for each other, and that they're happy being together. Axl had Zeb, whether it was friendship or something else. There are plenty of other people like Gaia or Suzie that he could trust Axl with too. Hell, even Anders had found someone. Even if that someone was Colin Gundersen who was an entirely different matter that Mike could rant on for days. He had to let go of them. There was no need for him to be so controlling. Sure, he'd end up coming home to what felt like an empty nest. He wasn't their father, and he was glad that he wasn't Joe either. He did what he could. 

"Mike...Let's say I were getting married. And I know, I know, it sounds stupid and nearly impossible that I would want to have a sort of traditional wedding..." Anders muttered, looking away from Mike. "But let's say that I did, would you be willing to...y'know...Give me away?"

Mike watched Anders play with the hem of his jacket, just like he always did since he was a child and he was nervous and anxious about something. He let out a long sigh, and Anders looked up in a panic, expecting the worst, as always. Mike looked at Anders, and all the thoughts of his mistakes were suddenly thrown out the window and he knew what he had to do now.

"Yes. I'd be honored." Mike finally said, and he couldn't help but smile at the wide grin that broke across his younger brother's face at that moment.

Maybe Mike still hated himself a bit for everything he did, but at least he was finally able to let it go.


End file.
